I was watching tv today and, between wondering how my 80 cents would help children in Africa and wondering whether I'm paying too much for my internet access, I began to think about my life...

In a subconsious attempt to get more out of life, I have been looking for new experiences and meeting new people. I'm intoxicated by having a clean slate. Sometimes, I get like this. I fade from old habits and ideas and grow. My outlook on things is not bleak at all. In fact, it seems that people around me struggle more than me, trying to adjust to the way I change. I don't deal with shit NEmore. People had gotten so used to pushing me around and acting like I've been pwn3d--and now, despite desperate attempts to put me in my place, people have begun to listen, again. I'm no longer someone to be pushed aside and laughed at. I have an influx of new people in my life, and I'm utterly surprised at the enthusiasm they have for being around me. I forgot what it's like to be around people that *want* to be around, and who love a dramaless life as much as me--and I stray from the ones who try to keep me or just put up with me; just because they need a *circle* of friends. Well, a long time ago this circle became decadent and stupid. And the idea that the dumb circle needs to be unbroken, despite anything that happens is just childish and moronic. Everyone latches onto eachother, afraid to let go, depending on negativity to keep them together (can we say: 'only friends cuz u hate the same people'?). I remember friends who weren't all-consumed by where they'll get their next high. I remember friends who hung out because they wanted to; not because they felt they should. I see them all spiraling downward and trying to take eachother with them; but, I refuse to go with them--especially since I don't even speak to or don't like the people who are leading the fall. I don't have a one-of-us mentality. If other people want to fuck up their lives and cause drama, then I won't be there. I try to help people out, but that doesn't mean I'll jump in the same hole. I would rather hang out with my new friends. The people who happen to be there, because it's just what they want...

Don't get me wrong... This isn't an 'I hate you; go away!' thing. Just a realization of the way my life is heading. A realization of maturity within myself. Granted I'm no Motherfuckin' Theresa, and I'm by no means mature; but, I feel that I'm mature when it matters. I'm not even running from people. I don't even talk to the people I despise, so that'z not an issue. Just listening to my actions and noticing the breath of fresh air, stirring my dusty soul. I'm thankful for it, even though, maybe, I think too much between carpet commercials and movie trailers...