GOD! What the hell is it about boyz!!!! :( So, I started hangin' out with my 'friend' who will remain nameless.... I let him come to my house a couple days ago. I got really drunk with him, we watched Xmen... It was fun... We kinda kissed too.... It was kewl. I kinda crushed a lil afterwards. BUT THEN I let him come over tonight, too... (A note to ANYONE! When you hit a connection with a boy, no matter how long u know them, like a kiss or whatever, if they try to see you again immediately, it'z usually bad news... they're gonna be a creep! It'z good to have a nice couple days to a week in there to smile about it... not rush headlong into seeing you the next day. Not in a cold mean way, mind you, but Let it FUCKIN digest. It'z okay to talk on the phone, online, even if u see eachother, but DAMN don't expect the person to make out with u every damn day just cuz u kissed once! At least let the other person WAIT to see you so it'll be more fun to hang out and be together next weekend... Plus, if they can't accept that, it means they're more obsessive. AND AT LEAST TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WHEN U WERE DRUNK INSTEAD OF ASSUMING SOMEONE IS GOING TO BE ALL IN LOVE WITH U THE NEXT DAY! especially when I didn't initiate that... Another reason to wait a week, let the feelings grow, or at least understand why u kissed, understand ur own feelings.... but I digress... Maybe I'm cold *shrug*)

He just left, cuz I pretty much ran him off. He was practically throwing himself on me! kept trying to kiss me even tho i was dodging, kept rubbin on me even tho i was pushing him away (lewd crap too! like runnin his hand down my stomach towards my pants and grabbin my legs and my ass and crap... and when i'd try to push him away, he'd fuckin struggle to maintain his grip on me! GEEZ! AND then, he's all like, "why do u keep jumping?" AND I'm like "DUH YOU KEEP TOUCHING ME INAPPROPRIATELY DUMB FUCK!" and then he'd try to make me feel guilty for not letting him grab my ass.... whatever...), he was just a real asshole!

GOD! I thought we were friends. Just cuz we were drunk that night and kissed doesn't mean he has a right to touch me like that! ON TOP OF THAT! He knows i'm moving to FL! I told him to not do that stuff, that he had to make sure what he was doing, cuz i was leaving. It would be dumb to rush headlong without thinking. He would break his heart, if he did get emotionally involved with me (like that'z really what he wanted.... LOL REALLY!....).

I would've actually liked him ALOT more if he didn't act this way tonight! He was a really good friend and really good looking, the kiss was even all innocent how it happened... It was kinda an accident.... We were talking and laughing and pickin on eachother and just bein' boyz and then he all leaned in close talking to me and said something really sweet and i didn't think and just leaned in and he pulled back for a second and was like, "YOU WERE ABOUT TO KISS ME!" and I was just like O.O eyes all wide and then I jumped back and started blushing and he leaned in close to me and kissed me... LOL It was all movie-like.... but now it seems dirty somehow... soiled by tonight... I've lost all respect for him... Even as a friend!

WHAT IS IT ABOUT BOYZ NOT ACCEPTING THE WORD, "NO!"--like if they touch someone enuff they'll just be like... OKAY, i changed my mind.... Whatever... makes me push u away more... and if he did want to kiss me or whatever, he could've done it with a lil bit more class than making me feel vulnerable... IS THAT SO HARD?! *rolls eyes*

OMFG! and get this too... we were drinking again tonight, but nowhere near drunk... had just started... well, he was all tryin to rub on me and was forcefully kissing me and i was pushing him away and i told him in no uncertain terms, "STOP!"... and he's like, "What'z wrong? Here... *picks up another beer and puts it in front of me* Get drunk!" I was like OH MY GOD! FUCK YOU!

So, yea, i threw him out.... I don't think I can even be friends with him now! Not anymore.... god... This isn't the person I remember before we kissed... :( FUCK HIM! I don't need a person like that to be my friend anyways....

I really don't know if I should post something this personal, but fuck it... Only people that read this don't know me in person (well, some do, but they all moved, like Cal)... Hell, even THAT guy doesn't see this, he only knows my message board.... Which by the way.... I'm gonna ban him ROFLMFAO!!! grrrrr... I R ANGRY JIMMY! LOL