last night, I drunkenly talked on the phone with a friend. I wasn't so much lamenting the bird's death as I was lamenting death itself. I dunno. Something about a birdy having a rough death while ur caring for it wracks you to the core.
He actually called me, instead of the other way around. He was kind enough to keep interupting me to ask for re-assurance, because on some other day, I had called him "high-maintenance" and it was very important for him to be reminded that I wasn't serious about being upset at him and that he was IN FACT low-maintenance.... He couldn't be bothered by the fact that a bird died. That was just piddly shit. Oh, and he didn't care that I felt shitty either. *puts on cheesey, high-pitched voice* THE WORLD MUST STOP, SO THAT HE CAN BE TOLD THAT HE ISN'T HIGH-MAINTENANCE!!! lol There's just something horribly ironic and sad about that....
--but then, everyone has been acting like that lately. EVERYone has been so concerned with themselves on SUCH a scale that it has been making me feel absolutely horrible.
Take for instance, my best friend, just the other day. We were riding in the car and just talking about life in general. He stopped at a gas station, and while I was in mid-sentence, he got out and just shut the door.... Right in the middle of me talking. It was something important too. I was actually SAYING something, instead of rambling on like I am now. Ironically, something about how I have shitty friends and how I need to make new ones or drop the ones that make me feel bad, or something like that. Then the door just shuts in my face. LOL
He came back out after buying beef jerky or whatever it was he bought... I said, "What the fuck was that?! You slammed the door in my face, in the middle of my sentence!"
"Well, you KNEW I was coming back! I'm not just gonna leave my car here!"
So, when we got back to my house, I slammed the door in his face, mid-sentence.... Of course, it pissed him off. I dunno why. He lives with me, so he had a key to open the door and re-start his sentence.
Yea, I'm being immature, but my point is that I'm surrounded by people that expect the world to stop (in very unrealistic ways) just because they have a whim. OMG! SOMETHING MADE ME UPSET! LET'S ALL STOP AND FOCUS ON *ME*!
I realize the irony in me bitching about this.... lol
I guess the reason why I'm whining to you is that I feel like the WHOLE, entire world has gone insane; and, that'z one of those things that I truely respect about you. You are sane when it'z neccessary, but you also know when it'z appropriate to let loose and be insane (by insane, I mean silly and goofy). You don't take anything to either extreme.
You are cool, but you are not cold. When you are happy, you're not creepy. I don't worry about you so much when I haven't seen you in forever, cuz I KNOW that you are okay. When the shit hits the fan, I don't have to be like, "OMG! I BETTER CHECK ON MARK!" to make sure you haven't cut urself cuz the sky is blue.
I like that stuff and it makes me feel safe, but I'm wondering if maybe everyone else with whom I've surrounded myself, despite being as cute and entertaining as they are, might be a lil' TOO dramatic for my tastes. Maybe a lil TOO self-centered.
Or maybe, I'm just starting to grow up..... *shakes head, slowly and looks at his feet*
This may sound strange, but I never wanted to grow up this fast. Yesterday, I was still 19, on the inside... maybe early 20's.... Today, my heart is 50 and I ache--both honestly and metaphorically speaking.... --and I feel worse, cuz when I reach out to someone, I'm constantly shut down.
I'm depressed and I know it, but if I'm not "HAPPY FUN TIME JIMMY" then people don't care.
I lament death. People get jealous of the bird getting attention. I just wish I could be serious sometimes with my friends. People act like I'm carrying the plague when I try to talk about something real, like, "WHAT?! Jimmy isn't supposed to THINK!"
They say when you are depressed, you should talk to a good friend. Not only will it make you feel better, but it'll keep ya from wanting to leap off the next tall object you find.
--but, when I speak. People walk away and shut the door.
I've texted a friend recently (I barely text her anymore. She moved to Hollywood and became "famous"). She told me that her phone bill is killing her and for me to stop (I rarely text her, cuz she's so self-important that she doesn't even respond, so it'z pointless, but I was giving it a shot, cuz we USED to be good friends--so OBVIOUSLY her phone bill is MY fault).
I've literally been invited to a birthday party. So-and-so says they'll bring me, since they live on the same street as me. Call me up, tell me they'll be here in 20 minutes, hours pass, they don't pick up the phone, so I only call once or twice, so they don't get annoyed with me, then I get a phone call from the person who's birthday it is.
"Hey, Jimmy... Are u still coming to my party? I was just wondering...."
"Yeah, I'm all ready. I'm just waiting on her to get here. She said she'd be here in 20, but that she had to go have your present wrapped first, so it might be awhile...."
"What?"
*repeats himself*
"...but she's been here for hours.... She said you said you were going out somewhere else and that you'd try to make it later, if you had time..." *turns to her and says that I said that she said she'd be here in 20 minutes, to which she responds 'Well, tell Jimmy that I'm not coming to pick him up...'*
That was a LOT of he said she saids! LOL! I feel like I'm literally being shat on constantly, by people who are SUPPOSED to be friends. I mean... Some people are into that.... lol
You know what? I was just sittin' here, smelling my hand, wondering 'Why the FUCK do my balls smell like tomatoes?!" and then it hit me.... They're all acting like idiots because it'z getting them attention. They start drama and then I rush and try to FIX things, and in the process they get all my love and attention. Then, the NEXT asshole notices a lack of my love and attention and acts like they're upset at me. I've surrounded myself with drama queens! :(
LOL! OMG! *runs around like a chicken with itz head cut off--to try and fit in*
Now, I'm hungry. I want tomatoes.... lmfao....
